I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
