I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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