I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
