It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
