my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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