ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
