me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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