he thought i was a dude.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
