DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
