I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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