i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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