That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
