I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
