I want to make a zoo with you.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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