i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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