Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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