I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize