i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
