I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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