Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Still dying that you shit outside
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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