So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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