you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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