You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize