I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
