like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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