last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
