How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
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