Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Randomize
