i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
