today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize