ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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