i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
