The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
