I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
