Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
How does one acquire holy water?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Are these your boobs on my camera?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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