He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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