for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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