i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
