Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
