the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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