do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
