if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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