I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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