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• (315): View more from New York

  she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.

  (1-614): View more from Ohio

  I had better be fucking involved with step four.

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?

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• (845): View more from New York

  Drunk

  (845): View more from New York

  Deyhxbr

  (845): View more from New York

  Fucaerrrrr

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• (220): View more from

  Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.

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• (607): View more from New York

  I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.

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• (307): View more from Wyoming

  Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry

  (1-307): View more from Wyoming

  I'm hurrying

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  Dude. She just shit herself.

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• (702): View more from Nevada

  the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from

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• (214): View more from Texas

  nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.

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• (443): View more from Maryland

  Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.

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• (231): View more from Michigan

  I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.

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• (616): View more from Michigan

  If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.

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• (615): View more from Tennessee

  He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.

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