thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
