yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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