I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
BRING THE BAGELS
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
