My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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