There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
