I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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