i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
