Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
