I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
