he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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