i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize