I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize