Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize