I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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