Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
