Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
