I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
