yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
