it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
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