Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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