You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
