i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
this boner is exhausting
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
