Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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