I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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