Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
