It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I think people are normalizing furries
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
